QWERTY murderer strikes: RIP Txt-Spk

QWERTY murderer strikes: RIP Text-SpeakIt is with much regret that we announce the violent death of Text-Speak, by the introduction of QWERTY keypads in this new, cruel and heartless generation of mobile communications.

That endearing, abbreviated form of written communication necessitated by the previous generations of cellphones has passed away to the great cybernet in the sky.

Txt-Spk, as it was affectionately known, grew out of earlier phones’ requirement to press a number button umpteen times in order to put up a letter.

That, combined with the ludicrous anticipatory text facility devised by the gnomes of Silicon Valley, obliged anyone with a brain to cut back on all but vital letters and numbers in text (SMS) messages.

O, how weel mss U!

It’s so sad to think that these curt, abbreviated abortions of the English (and other) languages are never to be seen again, purely because more recent gnomes in Silicon Valley and elsewhere have come up with smartphones that allow users to type whole messages in full, quickly, using QWERTY keyboards.

What a sad day for the burgeoning creativity that Txt-Spk spawned! Where can we go now to find all those imaginative, squeezed derivatives of common words and phrases that became such an important part of our lives?

Think ROFL … ROFLMAO … PMSL … LOL … PLZ … TIA … l8tr … CU … and hundreds more.
All confined to the garbage can of internet history.

Y? O Y?

Freedom! Liberation from the strictures of Txt-Spk, thanks to the evolution of these QWERTY keyboard options on smartphones! Or so you might think at least. But this may not necessarily be the case.

We spoke to (well, texted, actually) 17-year-old Wayne Grunt, a former Txt-Spk expert from Croydon, England, who has now moved up to an IPhone. What was his reaction to his new freedom to write easily, in full?

“FFS,” Wayne lamented, “ I cnt fckn spll so how d-fck cn I xprss mslf wit al dese lttrs to Uz?”

His girlfriend Chardonnay Slutte, also 17 and from Croydon, responded: “Ma GFs an me h8s doz lttrs. Y dz we nEds 2 wryt prprly? U gotta B tkn D pss.”

QWERTY: the merciless killer

Well, QWERTY, you have managed to infiltrate the entire domain of mobile communications now due to your keyboards’ incorporation into near-as-dammit every mobile device currently on the market.

Have you no shame?

Do you wish to annihilate Txt-Spk forever?

Because if that is the case, we are going to experience an even more ridiculous b*ggeration of the English language than Txt-Spk could even have dreamt of. How can you be so cruel as to expect users to learn how to spell, for Heaven’s sake?

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose

QWERTY murderer strikes: RIP Text-SpeakThere aren’t many advantages to being on the wrong side of 50, but there is one : we learned touch-typing on typewriters.

Back in those dim dark ages of the 1970s, typewriters used almost exactly the same QWERTY keyboards modern mobile devices use now.

While newbies pick at the modern QWERTY keyboard looking for the letters, we old goats are in our element.

Revenge is sweet…

Now, let’s put some life into your writing…

“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write

“Business Writing Made Easy”…everything you need to know about writing for business in English

“How To Write Winning Non-fiction”…all you need to know to write a good non-fiction book and get it published

 

photo credit: Nina Matthews Photography via photopin cc
photo credit: Eric Fischer via photopin cc

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  1. Love it!

    On the other hand, how many of us on the wrong side of 50 still send our laptops skidding across the room when we want to start a new line?

    • ROFL Jane … and do you still use the number keys along the top of the QWERTY bit? I do – hate the numeric keypad…. 🙂

      • Always – I’ve never understood why we have both?

        I’ve always refused to use txt-spk even when texting, and most of my friends/colleagues are the same. A colleague sent me a text trying to use txt-spk once, and she is the most tech-averse person I’ve ever met. It was hilarious. And completely unintelligible.

        • I used to use text-speak on the old type of cellphones largely because to key in everything in full would take hours. But what irritated me was the way people would use it for everything – Twitter tweets, Facebook posts, etc. – even if they were using laptops or desktops. It became a kind of cult.

          • I refuse to use txt-spk on any format. If someone starts sending me meaningless letter groupings, I reply with one key…
            ?…I treat it like someone who has had a small brain aneurysm. They will eventually come around. 😉

          • Love your approach, Lee … but with more and more people using smartphones with qwerty keyboards they won’t have the excuse to use txt-spk any more, so those who do so are just being lazy! Great to see you here on HTWB – come back for another visit soon.

  2. Great article. sadly I did not learn touch typing and wish I had. It would save me hrs writing blogs & such

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