Setting your password: a guide for, er, beginners

Here is the online text discussion you can expect to endure the next time you’re asked to set a new password…many thanks to my good friend Laurence H. from London, England, for sharing…

HTWB rosesSorry that password has expired- you must register a new one.

Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?

No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one.

Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?

Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 30 days.

Can I use the old one and just re-register it?

No, you must get a new one.

I don’t want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember.

Sorry, you must get a new one.

OK, roses.

Sorry you must use more letters.

OK, pretty roses

No good, you must use at least one numerical space.

OK, 1 pretty rose

Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces.

OK, 1prettyroses

Sorry, you must use additional letters.

OK, 1bloodyprettyroses

Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter.

OK, 1BLOODYprettyroses

Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.

OK, 1Bloodyprettyroses

Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters.

OK, 1Bloodyprettyroseshovedupyour*ssifyoudon’tgivemeaccessRightbloodynow

Sorry, only letters and numbers allowed

OK, 1Bloodyprettyroseshovedupyourrectumifyoudon’tgivemeaccessRightbloodynow

Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used

Ah, the joys of online security…

While you’re here, don’t forget to stop by my Bookshop…books and eBooks to help you write better – and to give to friends and family…

photo credit: ruurmo via photopin cc




  1. passwords! Agh! My bugbear. I can’t remember them because I’ve had to change them so many times, a different one for each password demand activity. I have to have lots of tabs open permanently and restore history each time I reboot my computer so I don’t have to remember my password. Agh. thanks for the amusing post!

    • You have to smile at these “experts” who tell you never to write your passwords down and to make sure you use a different password for every application. I can’t even remember the license plate details of my car and I’ve had that one for over two years. Is there something not quite working here? Am I really at risk of rape, pillage and worse if I use the same password for more than one online account? Agh!!! too, Andrea. I feel your pain. 😉

  2. That was too funny. I hate when I choose a username or password and it’s already taken! We need to ‘log in’ to so many things, how on earth are we supposed to remember them all without writing them down? *sigh*

    • Hi Ann-Marie … I suspect the reason why we are expected to remember dozens if not hundreds of different passwords is because the concept was thought up by a) men and/or b) machines, neither of whom/which are all that skilled in common sense! 😉 (sorry guys … only kidding…)

  3. That was too too funny! Let’s not forget the user name nonsense. My user name is already taken more times than the ridiculous password.

    That said, my pet peeve is hiding the password as you are entering it. You have no way of knowing if you’ve made a mistake unless the site was clever enough to make you repeat it so that does not happen.

    Thanks for listening to me.

    • Well you know what the problem is, don’t you, Rochelle? As I think I’ve ranted about elsewhere, these systems are usually designed by a) men and/or b) machines, neither of which are known for their common sense…! I know exactly what you mean about keying in your password only to see a row of little stars, too…