Silly puns and boom-boom jokes – groan

Who writes this stuff? No matter how awful I think they are I still can’t help laughing at them. Some Golden Oldies from my dear, pun-loving (and fun-loving) friend Laurence H from Los Angeles…enjoy.

Silly puns and boom-boom jokes - groan

Have to say, I’m glad I DIDN’T write these groaners…

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot.

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, that guy’s heading for a breakdown.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Taffy says “Mick, I’m thinking of buying a Labrador. “Blow that” says Mick, “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said “You’re obviously not listening.”

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

The wife was counting all the 5c and 10c out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, “She’s going through the change.”

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn’t feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexists. I mean, it’s not as if she’d have to reverse the thing!

Local Police hunting the ‘knitting needle nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

Bought some ‘rocket salad’ yesterday but it went off before I could eat it.

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says “Oh, I forgot to tell you, today’s the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked.”

“Why are you talking into an envelope?”
“I’m sending a voicemail.”

Just got back from my mate’s funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.

Which one made you groan the most?

Please share your favourite!

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