SocMed jargon buster (well, my version, anyway…)

Bogroll: a blogroll often seen along the sidebars of public conveniences

Aggrevator:  a website that collects and redistributes blogposts and news based on information hacked from people’s phones

Alhurts: special alerts that by pass your RSS feed and give you a sharp electric shock when you touch your keypad – strictly for news of major importance

Bogosphere: comfort break facilities solely for the use of paid-up members of the blogosphere

Bogroll: a blogroll often seen along the sidebars of public conveniences

Chavatars: (Great Britain) avatars you can customise with fake Burberry clothes and accessories, tightly-pulled ponytails, excessive gold jewellery and white stiletto-heeled shoes

Chearch engines: search engines devoted solely to listings of worldwide religious establishments

Connection: what you suddenly don’t have when you’ve just spent an hour trying to upload some lengthy text to your website and you haven’t saved it

Content: a derogatory term meaning any old crap people throw together and publish online – especially offensive to serious writers who slave away for hours on end for little reward and……oh, sorry.

CMS: stands for Content Mutilation System – a system that manages to mangle whatever half decent content survives its initial culls

Copyright: an archaic term from offline days when you could get your wrist slapped for stealing someone’s else’s work. No longer recognised by 99 percent of internet users.

Default: expression used by some English speakers when experiencing difficulties with the internet, e.g. “it’s default of dat bliddy Microsoft”

De-unfriend: when you decide someone on Facebook whom you unfriended isn’t so bad after all

Drowser: one of the older-format browsers that is painfully slow

Extroll: how to describe your persistent blog critic whose address you have found and whose house you have just burned down

Flash: what saddos do while watching internet porn to try to shock the actors on screen

Flash: what saddos do while watching internet porn to try to shock the actors on screen

Flickthroughs: what web surfers do on PPC ads with no intention of buying, so racking up large, useless bills for the advertiser concerned

Flogger: a blogger who rants on at length about a topic until no-one is interested any more

Gluegle: a search engine similar to Google, only this one’s websites are somewhat stickier

Hashtags: symbols used to flag up suspected weed smokers and so warn that their comments and blog posts should be taken with a pinch of, er, salt.

Hommunities: online communities offering the option of offline residential get-togethers

Hyperlinks: links that make you jump back and forth energetically from place to place on the internet

Javascript: (USA) programming language developed by geeks who were wired on strong coffee and didn’t sleep for several days until it was done (this is true, by the way)

Mashup: combination of two or more ingredients used to create a new type of online recipe, usually but not exclusively consisting of vegetables

Mwidgets: standalone applications which are very, very small

Permalink: type of online address that, to acquire it, requires you to sit in an uncomfortable chair for 3 hours with your hair in tight curlers

Permalink: type of online address that, to acquire it, requires you to sit in an uncomfortable chair for 3 hours with your hair in tight curlers

Plodcast: a particularly long and boring podcast

RSS: stands for Really Stupid Sucker, usually in relation to someone who can’t figure out how feeds work

Rememe: an aide-memoire to help you remember what the hell a meme was before everyone started abusing the term

Server: main computer system that hosts websites etc., and is programmed to message all users with the words “enjoy your meal and have a nice day.”

Splitter: another new social media platform for people fed up with all the others, who just want to go off and get a life in 140 characters or less

Squitter: someone on Twitter with bad verbal diarrhoea whose tweets invariably get cut off midstream with no link to follow on

Steaming: a type of streaming reserved for very important news. Also can refer to pornographic information

Taxonomy: contraction of “tax on the economy” which is a polite way of saying a country has gone bust

Thwackback: a method of trackback whereby links can be slapped together between blogs at speeds which can break the sound barrier

Treads: threads on blogs and social media platforms where the conversation is concerned solely with footwear

Weddinar: a live wedding shown online via a webcam

Now, some help with your writing for SocMed:

“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write

“Business Writing Made Easy”…everything you need to know about writing for business in English

“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English

Comments

comments

Thoughts

  1. Excellent – what we’ve all been waiting for.

Trackbacks

  1. […] SocMed jargon buster My final fling and being me, in this article I resort to humor to get me through the pain of trying to suppress jargon. Yes, it’s funny. But no, it doesn’t solve the problem. […]

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