Social Media jargon buster (well, my version, anyway…)

Updated March 11th, 2020. Enjoy…

Bogroll: a blogroll often seen along the sidebars of public conveniences

Aggrevator:  a website that collects and redistributes blogposts and news based on information hacked from people’s phones

Alhurts: special alerts that by pass your RSS feed and give you a sharp electric shock when you touch your keypad – strictly for news of major importance

Bogosphere: comfort break facilities solely for the use of paid-up members of the blogosphere

Bogroll: a blogroll often seen along the sidebars of public conveniences

Chavatars: (Great Britain) avatars you can customise with fake Burberry clothes and accessories, tightly-pulled ponytails, excessive gold jewellery and white stiletto-heeled shoes

Chearch engines: search engines devoted solely to listings of worldwide religious establishments

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Connection: what you suddenly don’t have when you’ve just spent an hour trying to upload some lengthy text to your website and you haven’t saved it

Content: a derogatory term meaning any old crap people throw together and publish online – especially offensive to serious writers who slave away for hours on end for little reward and……oh, sorry.

CMS: stands for Content Mutilation System – a system that manages to mangle whatever half decent content survives its initial culls

Copyright: an archaic term from offline days when you could get your wrist slapped for stealing someone’s else’s work. No longer recognised by 99 percent of internet users.

Default: expression used by some English speakers when experiencing difficulties with the internet, e.g. “it’s default of dat bliddy Microsoft”

De-unfriend: when you decide someone on Facebook whom you unfriended isn’t so bad after all

Drowser: one of the older-format browsers that is painfully slow

Extroll: how to describe your persistent social media critic whose address you have found and whose house you have just burned down

Flash: what saddos do while watching internet porn to try to shock the actors on screen

Flash: what saddos do while watching internet porn to try to shock the actors on screen

Flickthroughs: what web surfers do on PPC ads with no intention of buying, so racking up large, useless bills for the advertiser concerned

Flogger: a blogger who rants on at length about a topic until no-one is interested any more

Gluegle: a search engine similar to Google, only this one’s websites are somewhat stickier

Hashtags: symbols used to flag up suspected weed smokers and so warn that their comments and blog posts should be taken with a pinch of, er, salt.

Hommunities: online communities offering the option of offline residential get-togethers

Hyperlinks: links that make you jump back and forth energetically from place to place on the internet

Javascript: (USA) programming language developed by geeks who were wired on strong coffee and didn’t sleep for several days until it was done (this is true, by the way)

Mashup: combination of two or more ingredients used to create a new type of online recipe, usually but not exclusively consisting of vegetables

Mwidgets: standalone applications which are very, very small

Permalink: type of online address that, to acquire it, requires you to sit in an uncomfortable chair for 3 hours with your hair in tight curlers

Permalink: type of online address that, to acquire it, requires you to sit in an uncomfortable chair for 3 hours with your hair in tight curlers

Plodcast: a particularly long and boring podcast

RSS: stands for Really Stupid Sucker, usually in relation to someone who can’t figure out how feeds work

Rememe: an aide-memoire to help you remember what the hell a meme was before everyone started abusing the term

Server: main computer system that hosts websites etc., and is programmed to message all users with the words “enjoy your meal and have a nice day.”

Splitter: another new social media platform for people fed up with all the others, who just want to go off and get a life in 140 characters or less

Squitter: someone on Twitter with bad verbal diarrhoea, e.g. President YouKnowWho

Steaming: a type of streaming reserved for very important news. Also can refer to pornographic information

Taxonomy: contraction of “tax on the economy” which is a polite way of saying a country has gone bust

Thwackback: a method of trackback whereby links can be slapped together between posts at speeds which can break the sound barrier

Treads: threads on blogs and social media platforms where the conversation is concerned solely with footwear

URL: stands for Unbelievably Rude Literature. Alternative to NSFW (Not So F***ing Wonderful)

Weddinar: a live wedding shown online via a webcam to paying subscribers

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Want to write a book and get it published, with some help from an expert?
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  1. Excellent – what we’ve all been waiting for.

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  1. […] SocMed jargon buster My final fling and being me, in this article I resort to humor to get me through the pain of trying to suppress jargon. Yes, it’s funny. But no, it doesn’t solve the problem. […]

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