Spam Writers Central – some of the funniest this month

You probably think I’m a pretty sad case for reading the written spam comments on my website. But if you like a good laugh, you should try it some time. Here’s my pick of recent pearls with, as usual my own reaction to them…enjoy. And choose your favourite in the comments below…

Spam Writers Central - some of the funniest this month

Which would be your favourite spam writer this month?

1. “I really liked reading this while eating a sandwich.”
Sweetheart, I can’t tell you how much pleasure this comment has given me. Hope that sandwich choked you or at least gave you the trots for 36 hours.

2. “No one saw the lost kitty?”
Ssshhh … don’t tell anyone, but the lost kitty had a smattering of good sense and ended up in my back yard after which she joined my furry family. I hope no one saw you losing the kitty because anyone who did will report you to your local animal protection people. Shame on you.

3. “obviously like your web-site but you need to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very troublesome to tell the reality nevertheless I’ll definitely come back again.”
I think you need to take a look at the crass lunacy of your spam. Most if not all of it is rife with greed, dishonesty, fraud, and other similar problems and – just like you – we find it very troublesome to tell “the reality.” In other words, eff off, and don’t let the door smack you on the bum as you walk out.

4. “I wish this site was a scratch and sniff sticker.”
No sh*t? What would you do with it if it were? Actually, forget that. The prospect nauseates me. I suggest you take a look at all the lovely porno sites advertised here on my spam page…before I delete them, that is…and go scratch and sniff some of those.

5. “WE WΙLL.? Τhey botth shouted ɑand they ran to the bed room bckering about who gets to go first.”
Awww, come on – don’t leave us in suspense! Who got to go first? Who, who, who? (And I have to say I’m pleased that you phrased this as who “gets to go first,” rather than “who gets to come first.” If you don’t understand the difference, check out a nifty little book called The Kama Sutra.)

6. “I used to be able to find good advice from your content.”
I used to think Santa Claus was having an inappropriate relationship with the Easter Bunny. Congratulations on being the spammer most likely never to get a click through. Ever. Not if I have anything to do with it, anyway. And here’s some good advice from me: go do something closely connected with sex and travel.

Good call! I dunno. Which came first, the chick…oh, that’s potentially lecherous. Anyway are these two mutually exclusive, or is there some sort of symbiotic relationship here? 

8. “Hi there colleagues, how is all, and what you would like to say on the topic of this article, in my view its actually awesome in support of me.”
You’re like the actor who was chatting up a young lady and, having talked about himself for more than two hours said, “but that’s enough about me. What do YOU think of me?” And by the way, your punctuation sucks.

9. “I website owner I conceive the content material here is rattling excellent , thanks for your efforts.”
I can’t help but wonder which article spinning device included the word “rattling” as an adjective to qualify “excellent.” But thanks for sharing it. I might try using it myself some time. (Rattling excellent, er, vintage cars and trucks? Rattling excellent tractor-trailers? Hmmm.)

10. “You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually something which I thinnk I would never understand. It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me. I am looking forwar for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it.”
Considering the article was about Vanilla Sex, I forgive you. Tip: get in touch with spammer # 5 above, here, and ask them if you can share their copy of The Kama Sutra. 

11. “This could be one particular of the most helpful blogs Weve ever arrive across on this subject. Actually Great. Im also an expert in this topic therefore I can understand your hard work.”
Pardon me for being a bit thick here but if you’re also “an expert in this topic” why the hell do you need my “most helpful blog?” I love you anyway.

12. “With havin so much content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either written myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my authorization. Do you know any solutions to help stop content from being stolen? I’d genuinely appreciate it.”
Do you really want my honest opinion? OK, here goes. Stop spamming people like us here on HTWB and go get a job pumping gas or flipping burgers. And if you honestly think your “completely unique content” is “popping it up all over the internet” it’s time to change your weed supplier. 

13. “I think everything published was very logical. But, think about this, suppose you added a little content? I ain’t suggesting your information is not good, however suppose you added a title to maybe grab folk’s attention? I mean How to write an obituary | How To Write Better HTWB is kinda vanilla…”
My site contains approximately 1.5 million words of content. How to write a obituary is not what recently bereaved people would call “vanilla.” Get off my site and go get a life, although I wonder if you deserve one.

14. “I have questions about your article… Please call Me: (914) 419-3292 -OR- (Westchester County New York State)”
Oh, OK. right away. Hope you don’t mind if I call collect / reverse charges. Tip: unless you want a huge phone bill, be careful what you wish for.

Don’t forget to share which written spam comment is your favourite …

And tell us why!

For more funny spam jokes here on HTWB click here …