Why some spammers should be sterilised at birth

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OK, I get lots of spammers trying to sell me web development, design, articles about silent toilet flushers that they just know all my readers will find fascinating, etc.

But for some reason this one got right up both my nostrils and thought I would share it with you, to show just how ****ing rude some spammers can be – as if that were going to persuade me to buy from them?

article about spam

Even threatened me with being put on the naughty step by Google, Yahoo and Bing, because the site is so bad? BTW this site is on page 1 of Google right now, under ‘How To Write Better.’ That’s out of just over 2 billion results.

Not quite what they seemed

Being quite a a keen researcher, I was so wee-weed off that I decided to check them out.

First of all their website aroused suspicion as they proclaimed they were based in Houston, Texas, USA. Now even though that may seem like a reasonable statement for an international audience, American web writers would not think to include ‘USA’ in their information. After all, who hasn’t heard of Houston, Texas – even if the reader lives on a remote island in the East Siberian Sea?

The perps’ website looks quite pretty, but subtle mistakes in the text tell me that it was written by someone whose English is very good, but they’re not a native English speaker.

Further exploration showed that the real kiddies behind this operation are some nice boys from a town called Bhubaneswar, in eastern India.

Now come on, kids. Indians normally are noted for their good manners and chivalry. What happened to you? Did some rather pushy and rude North American tell you to be more agressive with your spam? If so, they were wrong.

That approach might work for, er shall we say red baseball cap wearers in some mid-west US states, but it doesn’t work anywhere else.

Here’s the text, with my own comments in italics

Dear howtowritebetter.net owner,

Hey there,

Not sure if you knew this but your website howtowritebetter.net  has some problems that you might want to consider looking into. I spent 2-3 minutes looking around and found: (2-3 minutes? That’s not much for a PR4 site with more than 2,000 pieces of content on it.)

– It doesn’t work properly on Mobile Phones, at all, which is how people browse the web these days. (Bullsh*t. And I do know about mobile browsing. This site has been well optimised for mobile. Did you check it? Thought not.)

– It doesn’t adjust properly when you resize the screen. Google recommends RESPONSIVE Websites rather than ADAPTIVE. (Bullsh*t again. It resizes just fine.)

– It’s hard to read on larger displays (What? It may not be the most beautiful site, but it looks OK everywhere.)

– The design looks really, really outdated compared to some of your competitors. (You got me. I know. It does need updating. A project for 2021. And guess who is NOT going to get the business.)

Here’s the nasty bit

– Google, Yahoo and Bing had already noticed you several times about upgradation of your website but you have ignored it many times which may b a warning that may cause a ban to your website soon. (Oh, f*** off. Would the site be on page 1 of Google if they were about to ban it? Don’t be a pathetic little bully boy.)

I actually do web design as a living (there’s a surpise, eh) so I figured I’d reach out and let you know there’s serious room for dead easy and affordable improvement. If you would like, I can send you some of my previous work samples. (Don’t bother, kid.)

I can develop the website on a more advanced platform (WordPress does me nicely, thank you) at an affordable price. That price also includes making it complete (completely, dear) mobile responsive which will support all modern devices including all ranges of screen sizes.

Is that something you’d be interested in? (Guess what? I would rather be dragged naked by wild horses across burning coals, etc. etc. You get the picture.)

Regards,

Alex wiliam (If you’re going to use a common English name, FFS spell and write it correctly. William.)
Senior Frontend Developer
Email:alex@showlize.com
website:www.showlize.com
Skype :2b7bb4a162e11c34
+18324263626

There: now I feel better

Have you ever taken a spammer’s email apart and really looked at it? And seen just how abominably rude these people can be?

Let us know!

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