Flying funnies 3 – jokes for the airborne traveller

The last in a series of three selections of air travel jokes to add to our summer funny jokes collection … whether you’re a frequent or occasional flyer, you’ll find some good laughs to enjoy here.

Flying funnies 3 - jokes for the airborne traveller

Okay guess who, now guess where?

Shooting star

On one particular flight when the first officer was at the controls, the aircraft had landed very roughly indeed. Unfortunately for him, the policy of the airline concerned required him to stand by the door while the passengers left, smile, and say “thank you for flying Airline X.” [Read more…]

Flying funnies 2 – jokes for the airborne traveller

The second in a series of three selections of air travel jokes to add to our summer funny jokes collection … whether you’re a frequent or occasional flyer, you’ll find some good laughs to enjoy here.

Flying funnies 2 - jokes for the airborne traveller

We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.

Gotchya

This is the purportedly true story of some Boeing employees in the field who decided to steal a life raft from one of the 777s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on their local river, they were startled by the arrival of a US Navy helicopter homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. [Read more…]

Flying funnies 1 – jokes for the airborne traveller

The first in a series of three selections of air travel jokes to add to our summer funny jokes collection … whether you’re a frequent or occasional flyer, you’ll find some good laughs to enjoy here.

Flying funnies 1 - jokes for the airborne traveller

Join our frequent near-miss program

The Top 15 Advertising Slogans for US Airline X

We’re Amtrak with wings.
Join our frequent near-miss program
Ask about our out-of-court settlements
Noisy engines? We’ll turn ’em off!
Complimentary champagne in free-fall
Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you
The kids will love our inflatable slides [Read more…]

Confessions of a US airline ticket agent

I’m not sure the following are entirely genuine, or recent – I’ve seen some similar stories before. But the sad truth is they’re all entirely possible. In the version I received the people concerned were named, but being a total killjoy and not wanting to get sued, I have removed the names. Enjoy nonetheless …

I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat in the aircraft so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.

I got a call from a Kansas Congressman’s staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ”I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts ..”  Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ”Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Cape Town is in South Africa ..” His response — click..

A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that’s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, ‘Don’t lie to me! I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!!”

I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife who asked, ”Is it possible to see England from Canada?” I said, ”No.” She said, ”But they look so close on the map.”

An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas .. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas … When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ”I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.”

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An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn’t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

A New York lawmaker called and asked, ”Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?” I said, ‘No, why do you ask?’ He replied, ”Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that’s very rude!” After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it (I was dying laughing), I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT – Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

A Senator John Kerry aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ”Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”

I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman Alabama who asked, ”How do I know which plane to get on?” I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ”I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.”

Senator (woman) called and said, ”I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?” I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter plane. She said, ”Yeah, whatever, smarty!”

Another Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. “Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ”Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!”

A New Jersey Congressman called to make reservations, ”I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.” I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ”Are you sure that’s the name of the town?”  ‘Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the man.  After some searching, I came back with, ”I’m sorry, sir, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a rhino anywhere.” ”The man retorted, ”Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!” So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ”You don’t mean Buffalo , do you?” The reply? ”Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.”

Could ANYONE be this DUMB?

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