How to write better letters to Santa…

I didn’t write these jokes but I wish I had. They have been around for many years and still make me howl with laughter. They are not really Politically Correct so please don’t read any further if you are particularly sensitive to such things; instead you may prefer these Christmas cracker jokes***.

I apologise to Google for publishing these again but they really are too funny to forget…enjoy.

Funny jokes about letters to Santa and his hilarious replies

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend,
WiLLy
Dear Willy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in road sweeping.
How about I get you a ****ing book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa [Read more…]

I know you can’t wait to read my Holiday newsletter…

Do you feel obliged to read distant friends’ and relatives’ lengthy Christmas newsletters about a bunch of people, places and activities about which you know sweet FA? Here’s one that beats them all … and will give you some laughs for a change. Enjoy.

Holiday newsletter from How To Write Better

Well, hello there from your dear friend with the latest news from jolly old England. And what a year it has been! I know you don’t have time to share all the exciting news so here are just the main highlights…

Let’s start back at the beginning, well almost, when I attended a wonderful New Year‘s Eve celebration – a friendly, informal affair thrown by my neighbour Lucy Sludge and her husband Percy. We were having an absolute riot playing charades – the theme was different species of river fish, I recall – and munching away on Lucy’s tasty home-made quinoa shortbread when her eldest son Luke turned up with some friends.

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And now that the feasting is over…

If you spent a lot of time cooking and catering over the Holidays you may well identify with this little poem I penned for us last year. Pour yourself a glass of leftover eggnog or wine, then read and enjoy…

And now that the feasting is over...

If anyone asks me for more bits of turkey, I’ll smack ‘em so hard that their faces won’t worky.

Christmas is over
The turkey is gone
Dismembered, digested
And perfectly spun…

…into many waste products
Down sewers and wells
In unmentionable forms
With unmentionable smells. [Read more…]

Here come the Holidays, so who needs business writing? Ah, but…

As you’re reading this – especially if you’re in the UK – the last thing on your mind will be what you need to write for business in the coming two weeks.

HTWB Xmas biz writingYour to-do list will be heaving with everything from gift shopping to picking up the turkey to getting your tax return in order (well, you should, according to my accountant) to cleaning up after the office party to wondering how to stop your cat from shattering the Christmas tree all over your living room carpet.

Look on the bright side – you’ll soon be free to think about business writing 2016 (LOL!)

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The Nativity with a modern twist…

Welcome back to roller banner supremo and performance poet extraordinaire Steve Crawford, who has penned his own version of the Nativity story for us in verse…enjoy!

The Nativity with a modern twist

“Nowadays a call to social services, means they would take that baby away.”

On Christmas night apparently, baby Jesus had been put in a manger.

There were horses and cows and some sheep there too, sounds to me like he could be in danger. [Read more…]

What happens when THUGS crash the whitest neighborhood in the city?

Scroll down to watch this glorious video for the coming Holiday Season…

HTWB Xmas house

… truly heart warming, especially in our troubled times. Enjoy.

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