Christmas Thank You from bitter Mother-In-Law

Christmas Thank You from bitter mother in law

Have you had to deal with a bitter in-law, especially at this sensitive time of the year?

My mother-in-law hated my guts. So much so that when she heard that I had contracted breast cancer when it was already known to have a high long-term survival rate, she sent me a Get Well card in which she had written, “…miracles can happen.” Knowing her, she was hoping to Hell that a miracle was not about to happen in my case which, given that I am still here and she is not, must be a huge disappointment to her up in Heaven or wherever else she might be. [Read more…]

Fed up with Christmas carols? Boogie with me and Pentatonix

…here are some natty little numbers from my favorite (a capella) band of the moment and after their wonderful sharing of Christmas songs, now (in this post, anyway!) they’re not singing anything about Christmas or New Years.

Pentatonix on How To Write Better dot net

A capella band extraordinaire … and not singing Christmas songs

[Read more…]

And, how NOT to cook your Christmas turkey…

A short poem that illustrates the need to take care when choosing ingredients for your turkey stuffing. Original poet unknown, but whoever you are, I don’t envy you the job of clearing up the mess.

Christmas joke - how not to cook the turkey

Tip: be very careful what ingredients you use in the stuffing (dressing).

The turkey shot out of the oven,
And rocketed into the air.
It knocked every plate off the table,
And partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner,
And burst with a deafening boom.
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
Completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows.
It totally coated the floor.
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
Where there’d never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance.
It smeared every saucer and bowl.
There wasn’t a way I could stop it.
That turkey was out of control! [Read more…]

How to cook your, er, Christmas turkey…

And yet another old favourite funny Christmas joke … this time it’s a recipe for roast turkey that may not taste very good, but will certainly give everyone the laugh of the season… bon appétit…

How to cook a Christmas turkey

How to cook a turkey on HowToWriteBetter.net

The essential turkey dinner ingredient. Tip: it tastes better if you remove the feathers prior to roasting.

Step 1: Go get a turkey. (size is not important)

Step 2: Take a drink of whisky.

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven. (Use a pan)

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whisky. (Glass preferred)

Step 5: Set the degree at 200 ovens.

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskys of drink out of bottle.

Step 7: Turn oven the on. [Read more…]

Funny jokes 4 Xmas: Letters to Santa

christmas jokes letters to santa

Another all time favorite for Christmas humor

Another of my all time favourite giggles at Christmastime…enjoy!

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend,
WiLLy

Dear Willy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in road sweeping. [Read more…]

The Joy of Books this Christmas

The joy of books at Christmas

Why books are so joyful at Christmas

Please welcome Val Rainey, a published author of children’s books and other writing, from Alberta, Canada. She will be sharing her tips with us on how to write children’s books in 2015, so watch out for the new series starting soon. Over to Val … 

Cold and snowy winter nights are here again. What better excuse to curl up under a blanket in an over-sized chair by the fireplace and read? Naturally, one must have a hot chocolate or other ‘interesting’ warm drink within reach. [Read more…]

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