Diary of a self-isolator: After Lockdown

Here’s a little verse or three to make us think about what happens next…enjoy.

I’m sick of being here on my own, sat on my fat posterior.

AFTER LOCKDOWN
Office workers’ quandary

I wish I weren’t so stuck at home
These walls are too familiar
I’m sick of being here on my own
Sat on my fat posterior.

[Read more…]

Diary of a self-isolator: WTF would we have done without the internet?

When I hear people bitch and moan about being under lockdown due to coronavirus/Covid19, I think back to my dim and distant youth when the internet was no more than a twinkle in Tim Berners-Lee’s eye.

Telephone landline handsets from the 1960s and 1970s – now museum pieces as you can see.

Earlier incarnations had been trialled but mostly had hissy fits and blew up once someone actually input a little bit of content. It was only when Tim Berners-Price took hold of it all in around 1990 that they managed to make it work. As we know, that revolutionised everything. And even better, it can’t catch COVID-19.

Imagine,” I say helpfully between their bitchings and moanings, “what lockdown would have been like if we didn’t have the WWW?[Read more…]

Diary of a self-isolator: Lockdowners’ Laughs Part One

Over on my personal Facebook page I’ve been running some jokes every evening and my followers are growing exponentially. I’ve laughingly declared myself the Humorist Laureate of the Coronavirus Pandemic – frivolous, I know, but it’s one of the few things I can do to help and something quite a few of us need – to laugh. It relieves the stress.

In this episode of Lockdowners’ Laughs … a festival of puns!

[Read more…]

Diary of a self-isolator: to-do list for when COVID’s all over

What plans do you have when this COVID pandemic is finally over? I’ve jotted down some ideas for my own, er, intentions … and please do add your own thoughts into the comments.

When this sh*t is over I will …

Wrap myself up from head to foot in toilet paper

What things are you most looking forward to once COVID is all over?

Touch my face, if I can find it again

Accept – maybe even enjoy – that we’ll now go back to talking about Brexit [Read more…]

Diary of a self-isolator: handwashing rant Part Two

Corona virus common sense: washing your lovely pinkies ain’t enough. Washing your palms and wrists ain’t enough.

On the other hand you do not need a full-body power shower each time you sneeze or touch a handrail.

Do you get where we’re going here? What do you wear on the lower part of your arms, connecting with your hands?

Coronavirus might be lurking in these…

[Read more…]

Diary of a social distancer – handwashing rant Part One

“Ooooh, sh*t: my hands are SO sore from all this handwashing!” In my social distancing from this coronavirus / Covid19 tragedy I keep reading people’s posts, bleating about how sore their hands are.

Yet “your grandmother’s bar of soap kills the virus.”

Hello? Yes, it does, and not for an obvious reason

Your grandmother’s bar of soap kills the coronavirus. So do you still want to bitch about how sore your hands might be?

Haven’t you ever heard of Vaseline? Or vegetable oil? Or any other of hundreds of emollient products you can still buy for small sums so you can stop whining about your scratchy hands and instead help slow down this evil pandemic?

Let’s get a grip on this issue

[Read more…]

css.php