Writing jokes about New Year: a selection of the best

How to write better jokes … If you’re hurrying to write your New Year’s resolutions, here are some humorous ideas to give you (and your dog, and your horse) inspiration … curated from some of the best sources on the internet. I’ve included a sample from each, so enjoy…!

Writing jokes about New Year: a selection of the best
Unijokes (one or two of their jokes are a little risqué)
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.”

OneLineFun
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter. [Read more…]

Tall tales from the farmyard: a lot of bull

A few chuckles to warm up an otherwise chilly pre-Christmas Sunday (in the northern hemisphere, anyway) … this time, we look at bulls – and their owners…

Tall tales from the farmyard: a lot of bull

“Hey, why don’t we run down and have us a couple of those heifers?”

Surprises rule
A farmer had a black cow and a white cow and he wanted them to be mated. He borrowed the neighbouring farmer’s bull and turned it out in the paddock. He called his young son and asked him to keep watch, going in to tell him when the bull had done his business.
“Yes Dad, yes Dad,” said the little boy eagerly. [Read more…]

Life and people being shirty? New book of poems gets down and dirty

Life and people being shirty?

Try this book: get down and dirty…

New book of rude poetry by humorist Suzan St Maur

Cheer up – people annoy animals, too. Find out why and have a good laugh in your copy of Mischieverse…

[Read more…]

And it’s more written fun and games from the UK’s Daily Whoopsie…

Yet more verbatim written quotes and captions from the UK’s much-loved Daily Fail … throwing grammar, syntax, spelling, geography and even sanity to the wind as usual. Despite being owned by billionaire Viscount Rothermere it seems they still can’t afford to hire proofreaders. Never mind: it makes their website even funnier…

Funny grammar mistakes in newspaper content

No wonder the monkey peed on his shirt.

Glamorous: Stylish Mirka mastered autumnal dressing in a striking monochrome striped dress under a fitted black jacket. She added a pair of knee-high heeled books to her look. Good girl. Even better if they were books written by “moi.”

Roger and Mirka are close friends of the Federers, who were guests at both Kate and younger sister Pippa’s weddings (pictured here at Pippa’s nuptials to James Matthews in May). Roger and Mirka ARE the Federers, d*ckhead. [Read more…]

Sheep jokes … no, not THOSE – funny ones!

Sheep jokes have a dubious reputation due to many people’s assumptions about what lonely shepherds and farmers get up to with them, but there is hope.

clean sheep jokes

I may be a (male) woolly jumper, but avoid encountering my horns if you want to go on to your full life expectancy.

Here are some sheep jokes that manage to be funny without even hinting at anything too rude. Enjoy! (And while we’re on this topic, whatever you do, don’t tangle with a ram unless he is particularly stupid, as this true story of mine explains…) [Read more…]

Bored with just your dull routine? Try my poems for laughs unclean…

Yes, sorry Google, but this post is written as advertising for my new book. Actually I’m not sorry. It took me two glorious, hilarious years to write it and I loved every moment. I want to share that fun and laughter with as many other people as I can – and get a little money for my efforts.

So if it affects my Google ranking
So you’d give me a damned good spanking
So search engines don’t do laughter
So that’s hardly a disaster!

Funny, rude poetry book now out

Daily life getting you down? Share some naughty laughs about it with me…

Come have a laugh, not just a curse

You’ll love my new book, Mischieverse.

[Read more…]

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