Valentine’s Day jokes and poems to make your day go with a, er, bang

A few years ago I curated some amusing Valentine’s Day (rude in places) content, and wrote quite a lot of new content in its honour.

Updated humour about Valentines Day on HTWBIf you should find yourself not quite in the gooey-eyed, romantic mood you should be in, say “to hell with it” and have some laughs. Here’s that content again…

Valentine’s Day rhyming couplets

Romantic first lines, not-so-romantic second lines

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was p*ssed

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you would hide your face. [Read more…]

How to write better letters to Santa…

I didn’t write these jokes but I wish I had. They have been around for many years and still make me howl with laughter. They are not really Politically Correct so please don’t read any further if you are particularly sensitive to such things; instead you may prefer these Christmas cracker jokes***.

I apologise to Google for publishing these again but they really are too funny to forget…enjoy.

Funny jokes about letters to Santa and his hilarious replies

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend,
WiLLy
Dear Willy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in road sweeping.
How about I get you a ****ing book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa [Read more…]

20 more classic Bob Hope quotes

If you’re old enough to remember Bob Hope, you’ll love this second collection of his quotes (my first has had more than 26,000 page views). And even if you’re younger you’ll have heard of this brilliant humorist’s wit and hilarity – not to mention his charity work and support of Allied Forces during WWII, and US Forces during other periods of conflict.

Funny jokes by Bob Hope

The late Bob Hope

With thanks to Brainy.com, A-Z Quotes, Great QuotesJokes4Us and other sites from which I made this selection.

More hilarious quotes from Bob Hope

The program is nearly over! I can feel the audience is still with me but if I run faster I can shake them off

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. [Read more…]

Writing on Facebook – a, er, lightbulb moment?

Although the “how many to change a lightbulb” joke is very old, its use here in connection with Facebook is hilarious – all the more so because it’s so embarrassingly true.

how many posters to change a light bulb on Facebook

…5 to post to the page that they will no longer post or are leaving because they cannot handle the $!%cking light bulb controversy.

Many thanks to our occasional columnist and good friend Lynn Tulip for curating this and posting it in my own Facebook group, The Joke Street Journal.  Original author unknown but whoever you are, thanks! Enjoy…

Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb on Facebook?

[Read more…]

13 handy, er, household hints…

We spend so much time on the higher intellectual planes of work, internet etc … but some good old common-sense advice is still, er, invaluable for the basic things in life.

humor about household tips

Before trying to remove a stain from a garment always circle it in permanent pen, so you know where to check if the stain has gone after laundering.

Forget the digital world: take this practical household advice…

…and try not to laugh too hard… [Read more…]

Education with a sense of humour…

A good education is worth its weight in laughs, according to the following anecdotes. Enjoy.

jokes about education

Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations.

What’s the difference?
As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises.
Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School.
He was quiet, sad, looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.
“Scared, Lieutenant?” I asked.
He replied, “No, just a bit apprehensive.”
I asked, “What’s the difference??” [Read more…]

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