Silly puns and boom-boom jokes – groan

Who writes this stuff? No matter how awful I think they are I still can’t help laughing at them. Some Golden Oldies from my dear, pun-loving (and fun-loving) friend Laurence H from Los Angeles…enjoy.

Silly puns and boom-boom jokes - groan

Have to say, I’m glad I DIDN’T write these groaners…

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot. [Read more…]

So, so tempting to write back and ….

Do you ever get a marketing message in your email preview window that makes you long to write back using every expletive you can remember? Plus a few?

So, so tempting to write back and ....

Because you’ve been so kind, I’ll let you hand feed a live goat to my 34 snakies.

And even more so because it’s spam, yet treats you like an idiot? Here’s one that had me seething…

(Subject line of email) Monday or Tuesday?
(Sub-subject line) This email is about an appointment I would like to arrange for on Monday 19th

How has your week been? [Read more…]

Written instructions: how to, er, prepare for your first puppy dog

Thinking of getting a fluffy puppy dog to brighten your family’s life? Here’s all you need to know to get ready…LOL…

Written instructions: how to, er, prepare for your first puppy

Even the cutest of small puppies have teeth like needles. A more positive option is to use them to drill holes in leather goods that need lacing up.

Buy a pair of really expensive shoes (Gucci or Jimmy Choo are ideal). Bring them home, remove from box and place on chopping board.  Beat several times with meat tenderising hammer, then clip around edges with pinking shears. Laugh and throw them away.

Take your best white shirt or blouse from the wardrobe. Put it on, go out into garden on a rainy evening and splash liberally with mud. Observe the “dry clean only” label and smile. [Read more…]

Do these words ever make you, er, wonder…

A lovely contribution to our humour spot from the intrepid Malc Harding, Super Hero and member of my Facebook funnies group “The Joke Street Journal.

Do you these words ever make you, er, wonder...

Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?

If you’re on Facebook and enjoy some good laughs, click on the link and come on over. It’s naughty rather than nasty adult humour, with a bit of smut but no porn, racism, homophobia, sexism, jokes about disabilities or excessive vulgarity/scatology.

Also, I tell new members to remember it’s an open group, so don’t publish anything you wouldn’t want your kids to read if they’re on Facebook too…and when someone applies to join and they’re obviously under 18, I turn them away.

So, with thanks to Malc, have you ever wondered…

[Read more…]

Alternative medical terms for patients with a sense of humour

Many thanks to my Canadian cousin Mike for sharing these hilarious medical terms. I hasten to say that he is not a doctor and it’s just as well, given the terrifying thought that someone might take these seriously.

Alternative medical terms for patients with a sense of humour
I have added some thoughts to expand and enhance the originals a little. Enjoy.

A glossary of medical terms we hope you will never hear

Artery: the appreciation and study of sculpture, paintings, objets d’art, etc

Aspirate: a recent Americanism meaning to aspire, but adding a syllable to make it seem more important (e.g. “converse” versus “conversate”)

Bacteria: back entrance to the cafeteria [Read more…]

Writing jokes about New Year: a selection of the best

How to write better jokes … If you’re hurrying to write your New Year’s resolutions, here are some humorous ideas to give you (and your dog, and your horse) inspiration … curated from some of the best sources on the internet. I’ve included a sample from each, so enjoy…!

Writing jokes about New Year: a selection of the best
Unijokes (one or two of their jokes are a little risqué)
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.”

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter. [Read more…]