A tragic tale of an old-fashioned male – Jim’s story

Although feminism and equal rights are now playing a more significant part in our society, there still remain the odd few old-fashioned males who believe that a woman’s place is in the home and her role is to look after him.

A tragic tale of an old-fashioned male - Jim's story

Jim died suddenly on November 27th of a perforated rectum.

In this sad tale, our hero tries to convince us of his ability to be understanding and tolerant of his wife’s shortcomings. I’m sure you will feel the utmost sympathy for him…

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. [Read more…]

Golf: the true rules. Ish.

HTWB golf 7-14

Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.

Many thanks to the original author (whoever you are – and please get in touch if you read this so we can thank you properly) for these true rules of golf. We can sympathize…

The True Rules Of Golf – Part 1

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The young job-seeker’s guide to the blogosphere, part 1

job seeker,job search,blogging,business blog,recruitment,writing,golf,Marco Carmo

Marco in action as
a champion young golfer

A while ago you would have read Lorenzo Matibag‘s brilliant article about the need for job seekers – whether recent graduates or older job seekers – to blog. The next point as Lorenzo said is for them to set up a blog; there are various free incarnations such as WordPress and Blogger, and for a small outlay you can have your blog hosted externally and set up by an expert like our very own Blogmistress, Babs Saul.

OK. Your blog’s set up and ready to go. What should your broad aims be?

(For a list of the top 10 most helpful articles on blogging for business as chosen by our readers, click here)

[Read more…]

A sad, sad, tale … about a man with a sad, sad tail

The following was sent to me by my good friend Laurence H., who feels whole-heartedly for this poor man and who, despite our 30-year friendship, I have since energetically told to go do something connected with sex and travel. However I thought you would find his contribution entertaining all the same… 

“It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them.

Some are oversensitive; there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is John. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Patricia to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club, so eating out is unreasonable. I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, Boys, we take ’em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won’t have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support my wife. I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.”

EDITOR’S NOTE:

John died suddenly on June 30 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her “not guilty,” accepting her defense that John, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

 

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How to write a best-seller about golf, balls and all…

GOLF humor 10 small picEven though I am only an occasional (and very bad) golfer, the following funny story had me in stitches. It’s a bit non-PC in places – apologies for any offense…

“You may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last couple of years putting my thoughts and ideas together into a book. I am very proud of the results and, in order to market the publication, I am asking friends to assist.

The book is on golf. I believe it gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years of experience.

Highlights include:

Chapter 1 – How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

Chapter 2 – How to Hit a Maxfli from the Rough When You Just Hit a Titleist from the Tee

Chapter 3 – How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker

Chapter 4 – How to Get More Distance off the Shank

Chapter 5 – When to Give the Ranger the Finger

Chapter 6 – Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings

Chapter 7 – When to Implement Handicap Management

Chapter 8 – Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 9 – How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

Chapter 10- How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee

Chapter 11- When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

Chapter 12- When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever

The book also includes the latest GOLF TERMS:

A Diegio Maradonna – a very nasty 5 footer

A Salman Rushdie – an impossible read

A Rio Ferdinand – lipped out

A Rock Hudson – thought it was straight, but it wasn’t

A Cuban – needs one more revolution

An Adolf Hitler – two shots in the bunker

A Yasser Arafat – ugly and in the sand

A Kate Moss – bit thin

A Gerry Adams – playing a Provisional

A Rodney King – over-clubbed

An O. J. Simpson – got away with it

A Princess Grace – should have taken a driver

A Princess Di – shouldn’t have taken a driver

An elephant’s *ss – high and sh*tty

A circus tent – a BIG top

An Anna Kournikova – looks great, but unlikely to get a result

A Vinnie Jones – nasty kick when you’re not expecting it

A Ryanair – flies well but lands a long way from the target”

Original author unknown. Have a great day, whatever you’re doing!

You can  write a real book, if you want to – here’s the help you need:

“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write
“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English
“How To Write Winning Non-fiction”…all you need to know to write a good non-fiction book and get it published

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