Even though I am only an occasional (and very bad) golfer, the following funny story had me in stitches. It’s a bit non-PC in places – apologies for any offense…

“You may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last couple of years putting my thoughts and ideas together into a book. I am very proud of the results and, in order to market the publication, I am asking friends to assist.

The book is on golf. I believe it gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years of experience.

Highlights include:

Chapter 1 – How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

Chapter 2 – How to Hit a Maxfli from the Rough When You Just Hit a Titleist from the Tee

Chapter 3 – How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker

Chapter 4 – How to Get More Distance off the Shank

Chapter 5 – When to Give the Ranger the Finger

Chapter 6 – Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings

Chapter 7 – When to Implement Handicap Management

Chapter 8 – Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 9 – How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

Chapter 10- How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee

Chapter 11- When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

Chapter 12- When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever

The book also includes the latest GOLF TERMS:

A Diegio Maradonna – a very nasty 5 footer

A Salman Rushdie – an impossible read

A Rio Ferdinand – lipped out

A Rock Hudson – thought it was straight, but it wasn’t

A Cuban – needs one more revolution

An Adolf Hitler – two shots in the bunker

A Yasser Arafat – ugly and in the sand

A Kate Moss – bit thin

A Gerry Adams – playing a Provisional

A Rodney King – over-clubbed

An O. J. Simpson – got away with it

A Princess Grace – should have taken a driver

A Princess Di – shouldn’t have taken a driver

An elephant’s *ss – high and sh*tty

A circus tent – a BIG top

An Anna Kournikova – looks great, but unlikely to get a result

A Vinnie Jones – nasty kick when you’re not expecting it

A Ryanair – flies well but lands a long way from the target”

Original author unknown. Have a great day, whatever you’re doing!

You can  write a real book, if you want to – here’s the help you need:

“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write
“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English
“How To Write Winning Non-fiction”…all you need to know to write a good non-fiction book and get it published