How to order a Google pizza (because we need a smile this week)

Now that between them Google and Amazon are in total control of our lives (well, maybe not COVID-19 yet), I though you’d find it useful to read through this transcript of Google’s latest venture: dial-a-pizza. Bon appétit.

CALLER:  Is this Giovanni’s Pizza?

GOOGLE:  No sir, it’s Google Pizza.

CALLER:  I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE:  No sir, Google bought Giovanni’s Pizza last month.

CALLER:  I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:  Do you want your usual, sir? [Read more…]

Search engines: how you have murdered the art of copywriting

At one time, advertising copywriters were almost the most important people in the ad business. Today, copywriting is offered as a side dish on most VAs‘ admin menus. Professional freelance copywriters today are lucky to get paid the same daily rate their colleagues got back in the 1980s.

Rolls Royce advert

Probably the most famous advertising headline ever, written by the legendary David Ogilvy – yet Google would turn its nose up at it.

What has happened? Search engines have happened, that’s what. Consumers no longer read advertisements; they tap in keywords. It doesn’t take talent to write keywords; it just takes a little skill in basic arithmetic.

Copywriting? Whassat?

[Read more…]

Small business: “We don’t have to be on page 1 of Google? Are you nuts?”

There’s nothing like a digital bombshell to make someone choke on their Skinny Latte. But choke the lovely Howard did, when I said he was nuts to try to get on to Page 1 of Google.

“What the f*** do you mean? We’ve just spent thousands on a fancy new humdingering all-singing fully optimized website and SEO consultancy and you’re telling me it’s not necessary?”

htwb-google-2016Poor Howard’s eyes were bulging by now, but of course wasted money to him is about as welcome as a t*rd in an ice bucket. He is an accountant. [Read more…]

The 12 social media days of Christmas

The 12 social media days of Christmas

See how well Christmas and social media work together?

It’s high time we reexamine the lyrics to this lovely Christmas song given that the values of partridges in pear trees and even five golden rings have been substantially diminished in recent times. Hence my rewrite of the lyrics here: but please substitute your own preferences in the comments… [Read more…]

Researching on Google: just ask the damned question

Researching on Google - just ask the damned questionRecently my son, who is a post grad (MA) marketing management student at a UK university, asked me to help him find a customer profile on Google for a particular British food company about which his course was developing a business simulation project.

“What’s the matter with Google?” he shouted from his section of our rambling house over a trail of sleeping dogs and cats all the way to my home office. [Read more…]

Researching on Google? Watch for those sell-by dates

HTWB Google

I find Google absolutely incredible as a resource to help find out about absolutely anything. But ….

For most of us, Google has replaced the old-fashioned “public library” as a resource for research. And it’s brilliant: there is no doubt whatsoever that it has brought most of the world’s written resources right to our desktops, laptops, tablets, phones, etc.  [Read more…]

css.php