Boyfriends or ponies? Key differences, for teenage girls

Does your teenage daughter love ponies, boys, or both? With the school holidays imminent in the northern hemisphere, teenage girls in many countries will be weighing up this major dilemma.

To help them, and to help parents help them, here are some, er, useful tips…

Boyfriends or ponies? Key differences, for teenage girls

Ponies do not normally get big problems with zits

Why ponies are better than boyfriends

Ponies’ feet and shoes usually don’t smell, unlike a boyfriend’s stinky socks and trainers [Read more…]

25 written tips for wannabee pony owners…

With the summer holidays looming in the northern hemisphere a number of children (mainly little girls) will be winding parents up to get them a pony. For the benefit of uninitiated parents, I wrote this advice to help you understand what you might be letting yourself in for.

written tips about owning a pony

It will not be a good guard animal – ponies are wimps.

Much as your child’s first pony might look like a fluffy German Shepherd Dog or a very large cat, be warned…

Before you buy or borrow a pony, read the following:

[Read more…]

How to make a small fortune out of horses…

…start with a large fortune…!

If you or someone you know loves – or possibly hates – horses, here are some excerpts from an evergreen little book I wrote, The Horse Lover’s Joke Book and its younger sibling, The Pony Lover’s Joke Book. Some are old favourites, but many of them are original, written by moi.

Funny stories and jokes about ponies and horses

Suze and friend (Suze is on the right…) as drawn by caricaturist Simon Ellinas.

Given that there are more than 3 million privately owned horses and ponies in Britain alone, with many of their owners working two jobs to keep the little darlings in comfort, these excerpts will resonate with at least one or two of your friends and acquaintances. Feel free to print this out and share over coffee and cake with them!

Choices
“Why the sad face?” asked one of two riders out on a hack.
“My husband says I have to choose between him and my mare,” replied the second rider.
“Gosh, I’m sorry,” commented the first rider.
“So am I,” replied the second rider. “I’m really going to miss him.” [Read more…]

Writing about horses: a poem for car and truck-lorry drivers

On the increasingly rare occasions when you see horses being ridden on out the road, please bear in mind that they were out on those roads long before cars and even before the ever-popular and self-righteous bicycle. (Well, some self-righteous bicycle riders, anyway.)

Here’s a short ode, excerpted from the forthcoming “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes” to remind truck/lorry drivers, in particular, that despite your best efforts not to scare our noble steeds a little mechanical quirk can have disastrous consequences…(but unlike bicycle riders, we thank you for your courtesy anyway!)

Funny poems about horses on HTWB

Please wait till we’re truly past, or you’ll need to revive us!

HORSES ON THE HIGHWAY

Some motorists are very kind
To horses somewhat heated
You slow and stop, with engines off,
So we can remain seated. [Read more…]

Why Facebook blogging works for small business – equestrian training

Why Facebook blogging works for small business - equestrian training

“I’m using the short posts to keep us fresh in people’s minds and to spread our net wider.”

Facebook is a very popular meeting place for horsey people in the UK and elsewhere.

Demelza Hawes trained at the famous École National d’Equitation of the Cadre Noir at Saumur, France and now runs a high-level horse and rider training business in southern England.

Facebook was the right choice of media for her short, informal blogs.

(For a list of the top 10 most helpful articles on blogging for business as chosen by our readers, click here)

[Read more…]

Daily Wail: FFS get horse jargon right (and dump the ancient clichés)

Daily Mail,horses,jargon,writing,cliches

Suze with a mighty, trusted steed sporting white stripes all over the place,
white ankles to match, cool black leather boots and subtle hair extensions
to enhance its glossy mane.
ZZZzzzzz. (Suze is on the left.)

Being a horsey type I often cringe at the “popular” media’s ideas on how to describe, er, an actress who rides a horse over a few fences. In this particular case, though, the UK’s Daily Mail really does take first prize for the most asinine and ridiculous use of what its writers think is the way to talk about horses.

Needless to say this is not the first time I have ranted on here about the most stupid ways in which journalists mislead and belittle those of us in the horsey world who get increasingly fed up with the old-fashioned clichés used to describe a sports culture which is huge in many countries.

And we’re not talking horse racing or snotty fox hunters here. We’re talking genuine competitive sports – much more intricate and demanding sports – that work for people from right across the socio-economic spectrum.

The vast majority of horse owners in western countries are not rich or privileged. They are working people who often need to sustain two or more jobs just to pay for their beloved horses’ keep, so they can enjoy the camaraderie and opportunities to compete and test their achievements that are out there, now, for everyone to enjoy.

So when we get patronizing, ignorant drivel being published by a so-called “popular” newspaper such as the UK’s Daily Mail that attempts to belittle what the the 3 million or so private horse owners in the UK are doing (plus their equivalents in the US and many other countries) … well, it makes me angry.

To illustrate my points…

[Read more…]

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