Weekend smiles from HTWB … enjoy

cat joke

Trust a cat …!

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Why writing is our new comfort food

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Do you ever wonder what’s going to go schiz next before we break out the virtual bubbly and sing Auld Lang Syne on Zoom for December 31st this year?

Assuming an earthquake hasn’t chopped off and sucked the United States down into the Gulf of Mexico leaving a comfortable isthmus between South America and Canada to use for amicable trade arrangements at last?

why writing is our new comfort food

At a time when flying pigs and unicorns seem not only normal but mundane, simple activities like writing are comfort foods to feed our inner souls.

Or assuming that the World Health Organisation hasn’t turned out to be a group run by aliens from another galaxy who take pleasure in watching us all shrivel up from evil viruses so they can take over and mine our few remaining natural resources?

Or assuming that Vladimir Putin and XI Jinping don’t turn out to have been conjoined twins (having then had a little culture-defining cosmetic surgery) who secretly plan to turn their countries into Ruschina and dominate the universe? [Read more…]

Writing humour: fishy stories for pescatarians

I know it’s not as fashionable as being vegan, but for pescatarians like me there is nothing more heavenly than a luxurious Dover Sole Meunière or even the humble ‘fish and chips’ with steaming fresh cod encased in crunchy beer batter. If you feel the same way (or just like a good laugh) … read on…

jokes about fish

Humble but glorious fish-and-chips…

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Poem for a hot summer day

I’ve lost my gin in the greenhouse

by Andrea Kingston

Please welcome Andrea Kingston, a retired GP (family doctor) who volunteers with me in our local cancer group and – it turns out – is also a talented and hilarious poet! Here is one of hers I particularly enjoyed…

I’ve lost my gin in the greenhouse
Well goodness, gracious me!
As the glass is green
It remains unseen
And I’m thirsty don’t you see?

funny poem about lost gin

“Where’s my gin? I’m still in the greenhouse.”

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Working from home: a funny ‘pome’

Fed up with working from home? Fed up with lockdown, even though now that it’s lifting slowly? Are you sure??? Enjoy!

funny poem about lockdown, coronavirus and wokring from home

AFTER LOCKDOWN
The woes of working from home

I wish I weren’t so stuck at home
These walls are too familiar
I’m sick of being here on my own
Sat on my fat posterior.

Those curtains I once thought were great
Of such design seduction
Now make me want to masticate
Puke up my latest luncheon. [Read more…]

Diary of a social distancer, 1

“You’ll give me a WHAT?” shouted the man behind the till, making his next-door colleague jump.

Poor chap. An employee of a Sainsbury Local store crapping himself about the coronavirus refused to pack my groceries because someone may have handled the carrier bag previously and licked their fingers to unstick it.

Who wants a squirt?

His eyes bulged behind his spectacle lenses, darting from side to side, looking for The Dreaded Virus in case it was coming for him with a chain saw.

“Tell you what,” I had said, “I’ll do a deal with you. [Read more…]

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