Bored with just your dull routine? Try my poems for laughs unclean…

Yes, sorry Google, but this post is written as advertising for my new book. Actually I’m not sorry. It took me two glorious, hilarious years to write it and I loved every moment. I want to share that fun and laughter with as many other people as I can – and get a little money for my efforts.

So if it affects my Google ranking
So you’d give me a damned good spanking
So search engines don’t do laughter
So that’s hardly a disaster!

Funny, rude poetry book now out

Daily life getting you down? Share some naughty laughs about it with me…

Come have a laugh, not just a curse

You’ll love my new book, Mischieverse.

[Read more…]

Want to write better? Some advice in (humorous) verse…

Fed up with reading articles on how to write better? Try a quick lesson in verse, instead … fresh from my hard-working keyboard. (And if you’d like to read some more funny poems, see here…)

funny poem about how to write better


Grammar fascists please take note now
Better not play games with me
Split infinitives then gloat how
You have got away scot-free…

Nor will stupid, foolish use of
Apostrophes in the wrong place
Get you more than my own tough love
(More likely a hard slap-ped face.) [Read more…]

Does your modern car bore you to tears?

If you love cars – the older, grittier muscle cars and sleek creatures like single seaters and drag racers – you’ll appreciate my sentiments in this rather rude look at most road cars we drive today. Enjoy, vroom, vroom.

funny poem about modern cars on HTWB

…give me a car with a big pair of b*lls…


Why can’t a car be a car any more?
These factories on wheels leave me flummoxed
Driving today has becomes such a bore
Modern cars simply don’t have two b*llocks. [Read more…]

Why yummy makes me want to vommy

Are there any words that you absolutely hate the sound of, for no proper reason? Here’s one of mine from #Mischieverse … enjoy.

HTWB tongue 2


There is a word that makes me cringe
And feel I want to vommy
I know I really shouldn’t whinge
But that damned word is “yummy.” [Read more…]

Why the Brits set fire to everything on November 5th

For those who don’t know, today (November 5th) is the anniversary of the Gunpowder Plot in 1605 which fortunately failed to blow up the British Parliament at the time, although in more recent centuries there have been many who thought it was a shame the plot failed.

Why the Brits set fire to everything on November 5th

Guy Fawkes, I want a word with you…

What really irks some of us is because Guy Fawkes and his cohorts failed to pull off their Plot, we have been plagued ever since by the Brits’ need to gloat over its failure by engaging in barbaric practices. This includes burning stuffed bean bags adorned with images of “The Guy” (i.e. the unfortunate Mr Fawkes) on top of bonfires…

…and letting off noisy fireworks that terrify small children, dogs, cats, horses and wildlife.

At around the same time those not hiding under furniture are expected to tuck into burnt sausages, burgers, baked potatoes etc. cooked on or in bonfires built from a year’s worth of junk and garden crap to further celebrate our Guy’s dismal failure at lighting up anything other than his cigar if he was lucky.

Here, then, is a tribute to our d*ckhead Guy and the chaotic tradition he created… [Read more…]