Ridiculous Easter jokes revisited again – with a twist this time

It’s time for Easter jokes and here are our old favourites once again, but this year I’ve updated my comments to reflect current issues, climates and other thorns in our side and added some new and intriguing thoughts.

Humorous Easter Eggs on How To Write Better

Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke? It might crack up. (Or poach the joke.)

(If nothing else your kids will love them, and they’ll be able to explain them to you. Well, maybe not those about Donald Duckrump.)

Here we go…

Writing jokes about Easter: enjoy…

A white rooster was strutting around the henhouse on Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every colour of the rainbow. He took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the living daylights out of the resident peacock. (Explain that one, or if you don’t understand it ask a bright 8-year-old.)

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with an over-stressed person?
An Easter basket case! (Plenty of those in the White House these days. One in particular.)

How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
EGG-xercise and HARE-robics! (Hares and rabbits are two entirely different animals, but never mind.) [Read more…]

Valentine’s Day jokes and poems to make your day go with a, er, bang

A few years ago I curated some amusing Valentine’s Day (rude in places) content, and wrote quite a lot of new content in its honour.

Updated humour about Valentines Day on HTWBIf you should find yourself not quite in the gooey-eyed, romantic mood you should be in, say “to hell with it” and have some laughs. Here’s that content again…

Valentine’s Day rhyming couplets

Romantic first lines, not-so-romantic second lines

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was p*ssed

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you would hide your face. [Read more…]

Jokes about poultry: feathered feasts on the menu

If you like poultry and eating it in good restaurants, as I do, you’ll love this small excerpt of foodie jokes from my eBook “The Food Lover’s Joke Book.”

chicken jokes

NASA: defrost the chicken first.

Les Volailles (Poultry)

Stricken chicken
In a small roadside bistro in rural Italy, two British tourists had pulled in to have lunch. Not wanting to admit that they spoke no Italian, the wife thought they’d be safe enough when they ordered “Pollo alla Ferrari.” It turned out to be chicken that had been run over by a sports car.

Cold turkey
A couple went to have dinner at a restaurant known for its house speciality, a turkey dish. “How exactly do you prepare the turkey?” asked the woman as the head waiter brought them their menus. [Read more…]

20 punsational jokes for the UK long weekend

In celebration of the second long weekend Bank Holiday in the UK since just two weeks ago, here are some of my favourite puns to give you a smile while you sit around the barbecue with a long, cold drink…and shiver.

20 punsational jokes for the UK long weekend

With many thanks to the original authors, if anyone can remember who they were.

Which of the following puns and jokes make you groan the most?

1.I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, but also it’s terrible.

2.What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

3.Two drums and a cymbal fall out of a tree. “Ba-dum-tsssss.”

4.I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Toronto Zoo. [Read more…]

Written rules for dogs, cats and humans

No matter how much we love our dogs and cats, there comes a time when we humans need to lay down the law. (A bit.) And equally, we pet lovers need to set out the rules for humans who visit and might turn up their nose at a stray cat hair in their eye or a doggy footprint on their incredibly expensive, light beige suede coat. Who cares?

rules for dogs, cats and humans

Don’t think I will sleep on the couch just because you need to stretch out on my bed. (Well, not always, anyway…)

Here are some useful guidelines to help us map out appropriate rules for all concerned in our homes. Original rule compiler unknown, but I concur absolutely with their thoughts… [Read more…]

Anger vs Exasperation

A young girl who was studying for an English test at school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”

The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Martin there?”

The man answered, “There is no one living here named Martin. Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial?” [Read more…]

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