Here’s to our Easter Feaster…

Have you started on the Easter eggs yet? Better read this first… (and a very Happy Easter to you from HTWB!)

Here's to our Easter Feaster...

To paint an eggshell
Is an art few do well

EASTER FEASTER

Here comes our Easter
Well, what a feaster!
Stuffing our faces for four solid days [Read more…]

Poet’s Corner: why is GIN so IN?

First, it was coffee. In a mere 20 years we (in the UK) went from “white coffee” or “black coffee” to 37 or more variants of coffee type, milk blend, preparation, flavouring, size, caffeine content and inside leg measurement. Then more recently, we went from “a gin and” (whatever accompaniment) to more than 30 different brands of it served with dozens of mixers from traditional tonic to golden-flecked puréed mosquito spit.

Poet's Corner: why is GIN so IN?

A great new cocktail called a “Mighty Mickey” – gin, lemon, soda and mouse droppings. (Or are they peppercorns? Hmmm.)

For a pre-dinner restaurant drink I will ask for a gin-and-tonic, but my 26 year-old son will chair a 20-minute discussion with the servers on how each of a dozen brands-and-tonic might best suit his mood of the moment.

Coffee is OK. I even know why a “flat white” and a “latte” are different. However for gin, here is an anthem. (NB: should be sung, but it’s not set to music yet. Still waiting to hear back from Ed Sheeran…) [Read more…]

Writing From The Heart – goodbye, my young friend

If you’ve lost a close friend or family member to cancer, this poem of mine may resonate with you. I wrote it about our beautiful 37-year-old cancer group member who passed away in 2017, leaving behind an 8-year-old daughter.

My language is rude as usual, but this time I don’t apologise other than asterisking out the rudest words. I was angry, as we all are at such a cruel curtailment of a young life.

Writing From The Heart: goodbye, my young friend

RIP Deb, whose favourite colour was blue.

DEATH

Who knows when your number’s up.
Three score years and ten, and then? [Read more…]

Writing about horses: a poem for car and truck-lorry drivers

On the increasingly rare occasions when you see horses being ridden on out the road, please bear in mind that they were out on those roads long before cars and even before the ever-popular and self-righteous bicycle. (Well, some self-righteous bicycle riders, anyway.)

Here’s a short ode, excerpted from the forthcoming “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes” to remind truck/lorry drivers, in particular, that despite your best efforts not to scare our noble steeds a little mechanical quirk can have disastrous consequences…(but unlike bicycle riders, we thank you for your courtesy anyway!)

Funny poems about horses on HTWB

Please wait till we’re truly past, or you’ll need to revive us!

HORSES ON THE HIGHWAY

Some motorists are very kind
To horses somewhat heated
You slow and stop, with engines off,
So we can remain seated. [Read more…]

Why a roaring open fire is not always delightful…

As we say goodbye to chilly winter in the northern hemisphere, here’s a reminder of one of winter’s pleasures (unless you’re the one who has to clean it up) … in verse, from my forthcoming rude tome, Mischieverse. (NB: language has been tidied for a family audience…)

humorous poem about open fires

Want a fire? OK, right… Stack it up and light it then, next day YOU clean up the sh*te.

ROARING FIRE

Oh, I love an open fire
Such a welcome sight to see [Read more…]

Have you ever swallowed more than a pill from a blister pack?

Trust me, that’s not as ridiculous as it sounds. And to warn you of its dangers, here is another excerpt from Mischieverse, my upcoming volume of somewhat rude poetry…

Blister packs from Mischieverse on HTWB

Trust me, blister packs can fool you, never shove their stuff up yours

BLISTER PACKS

Blister packs, heady whacks
Why are these so fiddly?
Break your nails, right off the rails [Read more…]

css.php