A little respite for Pope Francis this week

Before His Holiness’s iconic flight to Lesvos this week to bring 12 Syrian migrants back to the Vatican to start a new life, we’re told that the old boy had a welcome break from routine while driving back from France into Italy only a few days beforehand.

How to write about the Pope - funny jokes

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!” begged the worried driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal until they heard sirens.

After getting all of Pope Francis’s luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver noticed that the Pope was still standing on the curb by his hotel on the A8 “Haute Corniche” not far from Menton.

“Excuse me, Your Eminence,” said the driver, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” said the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”

“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” protested the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.

“There might be something extra in it for you,” said the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope climbed in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision when, after exiting the hotel, the Supreme Pontiff floored it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph along the A8 “Haute Corniche” – one of the most picturesque but also most twisty roads in south-eastern France.

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!” begged the worried driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal until they heard sirens. “Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license,” moaned the driver..

The Pope pulled over and rolled down the window as the cop approached. But the cop, or “le flick” as they rather rudely call cops in France, took one look at him, went back to his motorcycle, and got on the radio.

“I need to talk to the le Capitiane,” he said to the dispatcher. Le Capitaine got on the radio and the cop told him that he’d stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

“Alors, arretez-le, (So pull him,)” said le Capitaine.

“Je ne crois pas que c’est une bonne idée – c’est quelqu’un de très important (I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important)” said the cop.

Le Capitiane exclaimed, “Eh bien, allez-y de plus! (All the more reason!)

“Mais non, je veus dire qu’il est vraiment important, (No, I mean he is really important,)” said the cop.

Le Capitaine then asked, “Alors, qui c’est? Monsieur le Maire? (So who ya got there, the Mayor?)

Cop: “Plus important. (Bigger.)

Le Capitaine: “Monsieur le Président de la France? (President of France?)

Cop: “Mème plus grand. (Bigger.)

“Eh bien, (Well,)” said the Chief, “C’est qui alors? (Who is it?)

Cop: “Je crois que c’est le bon Dieu lui mème. (I think it’s God himself.)

Le Capitaine: “Et pourquoi pensez-vous que c’est le bon Dieu lui-mème (What makes you think it’s God?)

Cop: “Parce qu’il utilize le Pape comme son chauffeur de limousine! (He’s got the Pope for a limo driver!)

May Pope Francis’s new residents have a long and happy life in the Vatican.