Jokes about poultry: feathered feasts on the menu

If you like poultry and eating it in good restaurants, as I do, you’ll love this small excerpt of foodie jokes from my eBook “The Food Lover’s Joke Book.”

chicken jokes

NASA: defrost the chicken first.

Les Volailles (Poultry)

Stricken chicken
In a small roadside bistro in rural Italy, two British tourists had pulled in to have lunch. Not wanting to admit that they spoke no Italian, the wife thought they’d be safe enough when they ordered “Pollo alla Ferrari.” It turned out to be chicken that had been run over by a sports car.

Cold turkey
A couple went to have dinner at a restaurant known for its house speciality, a turkey dish. “How exactly do you prepare the turkey?” asked the woman as the head waiter brought them their menus. [Read more…]

Happy Thanksgiving, Canada

Happy Thanksgiving, CanadaA very happy Thanksgiving (October 12th) to all my Canadian friends and family.

Yes, unlike our neighbours to the south we do not celebrate Thanksgiving ten minutes before Christmas.

That’s mainly because we can’t be bothered to cook two elaborate turkey dinners so close together that the dishes are hardly dry from the first before we start serving the next one. [Read more…]

And, how NOT to cook your Christmas turkey…

A short poem that illustrates the need to take care when choosing ingredients for your turkey stuffing. Original poet unknown, but whoever you are, I don’t envy you the job of clearing up the mess.

Christmas joke - how not to cook the turkey

Tip: be very careful what ingredients you use in the stuffing (dressing).

The turkey shot out of the oven,
And rocketed into the air.
It knocked every plate off the table,
And partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner,
And burst with a deafening boom.
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
Completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows.
It totally coated the floor.
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
Where there’d never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance.
It smeared every saucer and bowl.
There wasn’t a way I could stop it.
That turkey was out of control! [Read more…]

How to cook your, er, Christmas turkey…

And yet another old favourite funny Christmas joke … this time it’s a recipe for roast turkey that may not taste very good, but will certainly give everyone the laugh of the season… bon appétit…

How to cook a Christmas turkey

How to cook a turkey on HowToWriteBetter.net

The essential turkey dinner ingredient. Tip: it tastes better if you remove the feathers prior to roasting.

Step 1: Go get a turkey. (size is not important)

Step 2: Take a drink of whisky.

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven. (Use a pan)

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whisky. (Glass preferred)

Step 5: Set the degree at 200 ovens.

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskys of drink out of bottle.

Step 7: Turn oven the on. [Read more…]

An ode in honor of tired Holidays chefettes…

Christmas,holidays,food,turkey,cooking

Do you feel exhausted having cooked meals for everyone over the Holidays?

Did you spend a lot of time in your kitchen over Christmas? If so, here’s a short poem you may identify with … created entirely by “moi” as the result of painful experience…

Christmas is over
The turkey is gone
Dismembered, digested
And perfectly spun… [Read more…]

HAPPY BOXING DAY from HowToWriteBetter

If you have been celebrating Christmas, hope you’re recovering nicely. Here’s an idea to work off the turkey, if you have the energy …

photo credit: HowardLake via photopin cc

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