19 vacation complaints you just won’t believe…

You couldn’t make them up … and no-one has. Having worked in the travel business myself I have seen complaints as idiotic as these – and worse. These were written in to a well-known British travel company…

How To Write Better seaside vacation jokes

“We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

These make you wonder if such brainless nitwits should be allowed to breed…enjoy.

1. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.” [Read more…]

Things to do on holiday / vacation (including laughter…)

Holidays are when we often do things we wouldn’t do during the rest of the year. Although these activities are usually a lot of fun, sometimes they don’t quite work out as planned…enjoy these funny jokes!

Things to do on holiday / vacation (including laughter)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

Elementary

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal cooked over the campfire and a bottle of wine to wash it down, they settled for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes woke up and nudged his companion. “Watson, look up and tell me what you can see.” [Read more…]

More travellers’ trials – funny jokes to cheer up the travel blues

Off on your summer (northern hemisphere) travels soon in search of refreshment and relaxation?

More travellers' trials - funny jokes to cheer up the travel blues

Off on your hols? This may cheer you up…

The following anecdotes might make you feel you would have been better off staying at home…LOL…

**A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him. [Read more…]

Help! How can I write really good reviews for TripAdvisor?

reviews,writing,restaurants,hotels,travel,holidays,vacations

Dear HTWB Agony Columns

I want to start writing reviews for TripAdvisor as I love travel, vacations, eating out and all the other things they focus on. How can I write reviews that stand out and that may eventually lead to me being considered as a good, professional reviewer, perhaps for a local or regional magazine?

Thanks in anticipation! [Read more…]

How NOT to complain about a crappy vacation

Planning a summer vacation to an exotic beach location? Here’s how NOT to complain if it doesn’t work out…

Bad vacation? How not to complainMany thanks to my good friend Eleanor S. for forwarding these top tips on how to fail when complaining about a less-than-restful holiday…as apparently culled from the annals of one of the UK’s premier travel bureaux. Needless to say none of these dim-witted protesters got their money back…

“I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

“It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be banned.”

“On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.”

“We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.”

“The beach was too sandy.”

“We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”

“Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”

“No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”

“There was no egg slicer in the apartment…”

“We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

“The roads were uneven.”

“It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England: it only took the Americans three hours to get home.”

“I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.”

Lousy vacation? Don't try these if you want your money back...“The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the accommodation.’ We’re trainee hairdressers – will we be OK staying there?”

“There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now live abroad.”

“We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.”

“It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

“I was bitten by a mosquito. No-one said they could bite.”

“My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

Now, make sure you are properly  understood whether on vacation or not…

“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write

“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English

“English to English: the A to Z of British-American translations”…more than 2,000 business and social terms from the USA, the UK, Canada, Australia and New Zealand

photo credit: egarc2 via photopin cc

css.php