Funny jokes 4 Xmas: why an angel on top of the tree?

This funny joke has been around for a while, but I have rewritten it so it is more contemporary. Hat tip to the original author whoever you are. One particular Christmas season, Santa was performing a final SWOT analysis on the cost-efficiency of his annual gift season. There were problems everywhere.

Funny jokes for Christmas - why we have an angel on top of the Christmas tree

Santa was performing a final SWOT analysis

Black Friday and Cyber Monday, along with Small Business Saturday, had made a big dent in incoming orders that year with thousands of customers having said “to hell with the myth of Santa or Father Christmas; the kids are ordering cut-price toys online on their own IPads and they can open them on Christmas morning.”

Santa’s accountant elves were forecasting doom and disaster. [Read more…]

How to make it fun for your kids to say thank you

Despite being older than Methuselah, I remember the agony of having to write “Thank You” letters to relatives I scarcely knew, thanking them for gifts I didn’t really like, after the festive season. (And after my birthday, too.)

But relatives – especially older ones – thrive on the little thank-you notes that kids send them in return for their kindness, and frankly, I can’t blame them. Particularly in the case of elderly grand and great-grand parents, who often aren’t on large incomes, buying for and sending gifts to little ones is an expensive and involving activity. A thank-you note in response is the least the kids can do to make them feel appreciated.

The great Thank-You note battle

Although some kids are pretty good and quite cheerfully write nice letters to people who have sent them gifts – however inappropriate – the majority, in my experience, wriggle and squirm in the days following Christmas whenever the subject of writing TY notes is raised.

I remember that one only too well. Just when you should be thinking about the New Year and extracting the most from whatever remaining school holidays I had, I was shackled down by my parents and made to write TY letters to these relatives and friends, some of whom I had never even met. Not fair!

But necessary all the same. How do we make it easier for them? I know they should really write out proper letters, original in thought and execution, but failing that here are a few hints that might make your kids’ TY letter writing a bit easier this year.

Buy – or make – some nice Thank You cards

There are plenty of ready-made “Thank You” cards available in most stationers and supermarkets, and there are some delightful handmade choices like these, available online. But if your kids are craft-orientated they could well enjoy the chance to make their own TY cards. Origination sources include cut-outs from Christmas cards, collages made from bits of Christmas wrapping paper, or – for the inspired – original art.

If one or more of your kids comes up with a good original design, scan it and reproduce it on card so that it can be used across the board. As you know, kids are more likely to take pride in their own work and so send it on with greater gravitas to the people they should be thanking.

Tell them they don’t have to write 100s of words

The whole point of the TY note is to acknowledge and express gratitude for the gift, not write a lengthy thesis about it. Although my late mother-in-law expected everyone to comment at length about the gifts she sent us and sneakily tested us with detailed questions to make sure we weren’t cheating, she – thankfully – was in the minority. Most people just appreciate a straight TY, with love.

Get them to release their artistic flair

There’s nothing that says a TY card or note just has to consist of words. It can be a drawing, painting or other work of art that your kids will enjoy putting together. As long as someone makes it clear to the recipient that this oeuvre is intended to express gratitude for their gift, everyone will be happy. For example…

1.Bake some cookies/biscuits (or make some homemade candy/sweets) as a family activity, and send a small box of the produce with a label saying Thank You

2.Earlier in the year, suggest the idea of making Thank You gifts to your children’s school, as this might be a useful project for them to work on pre-Holidays as an alternative to making Holiday decorations

3.Take a picture of your child using, holding, wearing, etc., each gift in question, print them out, then get your child to make and decorate cardboard frames for each one with the words “Thank You” on them

4.Immediately post winter (northern hemisphere) Holidays, buy a bunch of early daffodils or other spring flowers and get your kids to draw them. Scan the result (if there is more than one person to be thanked) OR take a picture of your kids with the flowers and print that out, then send as a TY gift, getting your kids to write “TY (message) – and here’s your first sight of Spring!”

5.Get your kids to compose a short poem of thanks, type it out nicely, print it out and send.

6.Make up a collage of photos of your family featuring foremost the child who is sending the TY, scan it and send with a short TY note.

7.Make some small papier maché trinket containers out of Christmas (or Birthday) wrapping paper and send those with a TY label (paint the containers over if required)

8.And for those bolshie boys … get them to write a few lines about their favourite game/sport/other heroes, and why the TY recipients should love them too. The recipients may not quite see the kids’ enthusiasm for them but will appreciate their sharing.

Good luck!

Got Holiday money or Amazon vouchers to spend? While you’re here, stop by my Bookshop…books and eBooks to help you write better from just $2.50 (less than £2.00!)

 

photo credit: muffintinmom via photopin cc
photo credit: Patrick Hoesly via photopin cc

Santa’s mailbox: why little Timmy gets a swat from Santa

Every year we share some cute notes from kiddies to Santa and amusingly, they keep up with current trends out there in the big bad naughty-non-Santa world. This year’s example is no exception. With grateful thanks to my good friend Eleanor S. for sharing it with us… 

Santa's mailbox: why little Timmy gets a swat from SantaDear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Black Ops 2 and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones

Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus

Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones

Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus

Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHATEVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone

Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; he knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy

Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Timmy

Timmy,
That’s what I thought, you little b*stard.
Santa

Useful further reading if you wanna stay cool with this site, babes … :

“Super Speeches”…how to write and deliver them well
“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write
“Business Writing Made Easy”…everything you need to know about writing for business in English
“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English
“English to English: the A to Z of British-American translations”…more than 2,000 business and social terms from the USA, the UK, Canada, Australia and New Zealand
“The English Language Joke book”…hundreds of laughs about this crazy language of ours
“How To Write Winning Non-fiction”…all you need to know to write a good non-fiction book and get it published

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