When insults had class (and no 4-letter words)

Whatever happened to those good old days when some clever words could be shrivel someone’s ego in seconds without a single ****ing this or ****that … and without hoping they would scratch themselves to shreds with the fleas from a camel’s nether regions? Ah, we miss so much in our modern times… as my good friend Ellie reminded me when she shared these gems…

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
“That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
– Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
– Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
-Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
– William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
– Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
– Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..”
– Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.”
– George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…. if there is one.”
–  Winston Churchill, in response.

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
– Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
– John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
– Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
– Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
– Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.
– Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
– Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
– Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
– Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go..”
– Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. ”
– Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
– Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
– Groucho Marx

Clever chuckles – and useful help:

“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English

“English to English: the A to Z of British-American translations”…more than 2,000 business and social terms from the USA, the UK, Canada, Australia and New Zealand

“The English Language Joke book”…hundreds of laughs about this crazy language of ours

Comments

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Thoughts

  1. I’ve heard severall of these before and love them. They really did have a fantastic turn of phrase back then! LOL

  2. Although every age will have it’s people, half of them gifted with little more than slush for brains and whose best and only comeback is “Oh, ****** off,” there certainly was, however, some quick wit back then.

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