Why English is a crazy language to read and write

English,language,crazy,humor,funny jokes,hilariousSome more thought provokers from my good friend Eleanor S, who shares my fondness for the utter lunacy of the English language…

For those who love its philosophy of ambiguity, as well as its idiosyncrasies:

1. One Tequila, two Tequila, three Tequila, floor.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

4. The main reason why Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ”where is the self-help section?” She said if she were to tell me, it would defeat the purpose.

6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

7. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his/her mother wash out his/her hands with soap?

8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill him/herself, is it considered to be a hostage situation?

9. Is there another word for synonym?

10. Where do Forest Rangers go to “get away from it all?”

11. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

12. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

13. Would a Fly without wings be called a Walk?

14. Why do they lock gas station toilets? Are the afraid that someone will break in and clean them?

15. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

16. Can vegetarians eat Animal Crackers?

17. If the Police arrest a mute person, do they tell him/her they have the right to remain silent?

18. Why do they use Braille on drive-through ATMs/cash machines?

English,language,crazy,humor,funny jokes,hilarious

Are deer really this obedient when crossing the road?

19. How do they get deer to cross the roads only at those yellow road signs?

20. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

21. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

22. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

23. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

24. How is it possible to have a civil war?

25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest of them drown, too?

26. If you eat both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

27. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

28. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

29. Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” rather that “assteroids?”

30. Why is it called Tourist Season if we can’t shoot them?

31. Why is there an expiry date on sour cream?

32. If you spin an Oriental person around three times, does s/he become disorientated?

33. Can an atheist get insurance against an Act of God?

34. Why do shops have signs that say “Guide Dogs only” when dogs can’t read and nor can their owners?

blog,writing,news,blogging,business,Suzan St Maur,howtowritebetter.net,how to write betterWhat are your favorite anomalies in the Englisn language? Please share!

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photo credit: Svadilfari via photopin cc




  1. Hi, Suzan, and thanks for the great laughs this morning. 🙂 Last word is a mistype, though, just fyi (I’ve done it, too).