Why Santa won’t be doing Christmas in 2014

T’was the night before Christmas – old Santa was p*ssed
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list

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T’was the night before Christmas
– old Santa was p*ssed

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have good mind to scrap the whole works

I’ve busted my *ss for damn near a year
Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear?

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money – the reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and g**sed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I thought that things would get better
Those *ssholes from IRS sent me a letter

They say I owe taxes – if that ain’t damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa some money

And the kids these days – they all are the pits
They want the impossible …Those mean little sh*ts

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads

Made a ton of yo yos – but yo yos are off
They want tablets and laptops…I’m not Microsoft!

If you think that’s bad…just picture this
Try holding those brats…with their pants full of p*ss

They pull on my nose – they grab at my beard
And if I don’t smile…parents think I am weird

Flying through the air…dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I’m quitting this job…there’s just no enjoyment
I’ll sit on my fat *ss and draw unemployment

There’s no Christmas this year…now you know the reason
I found me a blonde…am going SOUTH for the season!!

Serious articles and tutorials start again Monday Jan 6th … stand by!

photo credit: Funky64 (www.lucarossato.com) via photopin cc